never again a professional
even
on the subject of yourself.
*
The strange thing about love
is that you disagree,
disagree wildly,
and then figure it’s wiser
to dance.
*
The strange thing about love
is that it evicts you
from the land of echoes
you thought was home
and leads you to
friends
sitting
under the stars
in ancient
bewilderment.
****
Parents
They vanish as abruptly
as they appear,
busy perfecting
the art of truancy
when they send you away to school.
They cry ‘wolf’ many times over
but when you turn for a moment,
they melt away,
velvet-pawed, sure-footed,
into the night.
****
When Landscape Becomes Woman
I was eight when I looked
through a keyhole
and saw my mother in the drawing room
in her hibiscus silk sari,
her fingers slender
around a glass of iced cola
and I grew suddenly shy
for never having seen her before.
I knew her well, of course –
serene undulation of blue mulmul,
wrist serrated by thin gold bangle,
gentle convexity of mole
on upper right arm,
and her high arched feet –
better than I knew myself.
And I knew her voice
like running water –
ice cubes in cola.
But through the keyhole
at the grown-up party
she was no longer
geography.
She seemed to know
how to incline her neck,
just when to sip
her swirly drink
and she understood the language
of baritone voices and lacquered nails
and words like Emergency.
I could have watched her all night.
And that’s how I discovered
that keyholes always reveal more
than doorways.
That a chink in a wall
is all you need
to tumble
into a parallel universe.
That mothers are women.
****
If It Must Be Now
When glaciers thaw
and find there’s nothing perma
about frost
let there be the shock
of release
from petrified attitude
into melted light
and fuzzy velocity,
liberation
from angle
and the deep blue plaque
of fear
into pure continuum.
A kind of joy even.
Here then is the prayer
(and the time is always three a.m.):
let liquefaction
not mean
liquidation.
Contents List
7 I Grew Up in an Age of Poets
9 Deleting the Picture
12 A Theory of Wandering
14 And Where It Might End
16 Mitti
19 Finding Dad
21 The Strange Thing About Love
22 La Verna
25 A First Monsoon Again
28 How to Read Indian Myth
30 Remembering
32 Bring on the Screen Savers
34 The Fine Art of Ageing
47 Missing Friends
49 Parents
50 Parents II
51 When Landscape Becomes Woman
53 This Could Be Enough
55 Tongue
57 Let Me Be Adjective
59 Let There Be Grid
61 The Need for Nests
63 Ninda-stuti
65 Song for Catabolic Women
68 The End of the World
69 Shorthand
70 The Monk
72 The Lover
74 The Bus to Ajmer
77 In Short
78 The Problem with Windows
79 Been There
80 Backbencher
81 If It Must Be Now
82 ‘Dying is hard work’
83 Goddess
86 Goddess II
87 Goddess III
88 Memo
89 Memo II
90 In Praise of Conversations
93 Afterword