1 | THE OPPOSITE SEX
John Hegley: A Declaration of Need | 10
Connie Bensley: Choice | 11
Gregory O’Brien: Love Poem | 11
Rita Ann Higgins: The Did-You-Come-Yets of the Western World | 12
Kim Addonizio: You Don’t Know What Love Is | 14
Selima Hill: Please Can I Have a Man | 15
Tony Hoagland: Romantic Moment | 16
Ivor Cutler: Three Sisters | 18
Dermot Healy: One Minute with Eileen | 19
Ivor Cutler: For sixpence | 21
Peter Finch: Kipper on the Lips | 22
Julia Darling: Forecasting | 22
Caroline Bird: Trouble Came to the Turnip | 24
Lorraine Mariner: Stanley | 26
Joanne Limburg: Inner Bloke | 27
Geoff Hattersley: How She Puts It | 28
Eleanor Brown: Bitcherel | 28
Sophie Hannah: Rubbish at Adultery | 30
Fleur Adcock: Smokers for Celibacy | 31
Finuala Dowling: Doo-wop girls of the universe | 33
Priscila Uppal: The Old Debate of Don Quixote vs Sancho Panza | 35
2 | MATTERS OF LIFE & DEATH
Glyn Maxwell: Don’t Waste Your Breath | 36
Michael Leunig: The Awfulisers | 39
Finuala Dowling: Well | 39
Ian McMillan: Burst Pipe with ‘A Level’ Notes | 40
Kay Ryan: Spiderweb | 41
Michael Rosen: I ran away from home… | 42
Jonathan Edwards: The Voice in which My Mother Read to Me | 43
Sharon Olds: Self-Portrait, Rear View | 44
Lucille Clifton: homage to my hips | 45
Tony Hoagland: My Father’s Vocabulary | 46
Adrian Mitchell: Shaven Heads | 47
Billy Collins: Forgetfulness | 48
Oli Hazzard: The Inability to Recall the Precise Word for Something | 49
Gus Ferguson: Samsara | 50
Russell Edson: The Antiques Shop | 51
Roger McGough: Let Me Die a Youngman’s Death | 52
Roger McGough: Not for Me a Youngman’s Death | 53
Gus Ferguson: Not a rumour, a murmur | 54
Wendy Cope: My Funeral | 55
Paul Durcan: Tullynoe: Tête-à-Tête in the Priest’s Parlour | 56
Finuala Dowling: How Sweet the Dead Are Now | 57
3 | NOWT SO FUNNY AS FOLK
Geoff Hattersley: In Phil’s Butchers | 58
Matthew Welton: The fundament of wonderment | 59
Adrian Mitchell: Ten Ways to Avoid Lending Your Wheelbarrow to Anybody | 60
Sam Riviere: The Prince | 62
Daljit Nagra: Singh Song! | 63
Paul Durcan: A Man Besotted by his Batch | 65
Brendan Kennelly: Front Gate | 67
Matthew Sweeney: Black Moon | 70
Ian McMillan: Pit Closure as Art | 71
U.A. Fanthorpe: You Will Be Hearing from Us Shortly | 73
Duncan Forbes: Job Description | 75
Rita Ann Higgins: Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman | 76
James Tate: The Ice Cream Man | 78
Julie O’Callaghan: Managing the Common Herd | 80
Deborah Garrison: Fight Song | 81
John Whitworth: Ruling-Class Sonnets with Capitals and Obscenities | 83
Benjamin Zephaniah: This Be The Worst | 84
Thomas Lux: Plague Victims Catapulted Over Walls into Besieged City | 84
Thomas Lux: The People of the Other Village | 85
Dean Young: I See a Lily on Thy Brow | 86
James Tate: The Native Americans | 87
Simon Rae: Nursery Rhyme | 88
4 | PECULIAR PLACES
Duncan Forbes: America | 89
John Hartley Williams: The Good Ship Venus | 90
Kate Fox: Our Ends in the North | 92
John Agard: Alternative Anthem | 94
Kit Wright: Everyone Hates the English | 95
W.N. Herbert: To a Mousse | 96
Irfan Merchant: Address Tae Chicken Tikka Masala | 97
Lorna Wallace: Tae a Selfie | 98
Jackie Kay: Maw Broon Goes for Colonic Irrigation | 101
5 | SOUNDS TRUE
Marin Sorescu: Omens | 102
Elizabeth Thomas: Lies My Mother Told Me | 103
Caroline Bird: I Know This Because You Told Me | 104
Peter Reading: from Going On | 105
John Gallas: For this Islamic enthusiasm… | 107
James Tate: How the Pope Is Chosen | 108
Marin Sorescu: Superstition | 110
Kay Ryan: Blandeur | 111
Julie O’Callaghan: The Sounds of Earth | 112
Bill Manhire: Hotel Emergencies | 113
Dean Young: Static City | 115
Kit Wright: The All Purpose Country and Western Self Pity Song | 117
Matt Harvey: Thwok | 120
W.N. Herbert: The Big Wet | 121
Liz Lochhead: The Man in the Comic Strip | 123
6 | ANIMAL MAGIC
Dean Young: Convinced by a Nalungiaq Song | 127
Jo Shapcott: Goat | 128
James Tate: It Happens Like This | 129
John Whitworth: From My Rough Goatbook | 131
Martín Espada: DSS Dream | 132
Russell Edson: The Joy Attendant on the Little Journey | 133
Russell Edson: Counting Sheep | 133
Chrissy Williams: Sheep | 134
Jo Shapcott: Lies | 135
Jo Shapcott: Love Song with a Flock of Sheep | 137
Deryn Rees-Jones: Sheep Piece | 138
Stephen Dobyns: Spiritual Chickens | 142
Tiffany Atkinson: The Man Whose Left Hand Thought It Was a Chicken | 144
Ken Smith: The Chicken Variations | 145
Selima Hill: Cow | 151
Gus Ferguson: The Metempsychosis of the Yak | 153
Frank Kuppner: A Prodigy of Nature | 153
Matthew Sweeney: Horse Music | 155
Paul Farley: The Heron | 156
Helen Ivory: Chameleon | 156
Kay Ryan: Crustacean Island | 157
7 | WORDS & WORSE
John Whitworth: Home Truths | 158
Oli Hazzard: A Few Precepts | 159
Wendy Cope: Proverbial Ballade | 160
John Whitworth: Like the Proverbial | 161
Paul Muldoon: Symposium | 163
Robert Phillips: Nothing’s As It Should Be | 164
Oli Hazzard: With Hindsight | 165
Billy Collins: Adage | 166
Simon Armitage: Ivory | 167
Imtiaz Dharker: Speech balloon | 168
Billy Collins: What She Said | 170
Billy Collins: Oh, My God! | 171
Barbara Hamby: Ode to American English | 172
Imtiaz Dharker: I swear | 174
Thomas Lux: Invective | 176
Peter Didsbury: Malediction | 177
Thomas Lux: Rather | 178
David Lehman: One Size Fits All: A Critical Essay | 179
William Grono: The Critic | 181
Kay Ryan: Water under the Bridge | 182
Paul Muldoon: Errata | 183
Iggy McGovern: Eirata | 185
Acknowledgements | 186
Index of poets | 192