almost getting fender-bendered by the guy in the BMW
speaking capitalist Cro-Magnon into his cell phone;
wondering whether the time has come
to get a gun;
already starting to look forward to my lethal injection –
Or I hang up the phone
in the middle of a conversation
at the moment it no longer interests me,
having reached some limit of what can be
reasonably endured –
What happens next?
Am I entering the season of tantrums and denunciations?
My crazy motherfucker weather?
Will I be yelling at strangers on the plane,
begging the radio for mercy,
hammering the video rental machine
to get my money back?
Knowing it a sin to waste
even a smidgen of this life
under the blue authentic glory of the sky;
wondering whether a third choice exists
between resignation and
going around the bend –
Yet still the wild imperative of self:
the sobbing sense that one has not been loved;
the absolute demand for nothing less
than transformation;
the flaring force of this thing we call identity
as if it were a message, a burning coal
one carries in one's mouth for sixty years,
for delivery
to whom, exactly; to where?
•
Dreamheart
They took the old heart out of your chest,
all blue and spoiled like a sick grapefruit,
the way you removed your first wife from your life,
and put a strong young blonde one in her place.
What happened to the old heart is unrecorded,
but the wife comes back sometimes in your dreams,
vengeful and berating, shrill, with a hairdo orange as flame,
like a mother who has forgotten that she loved you
more than anything. How impossible it is to tell
bravery from selfishness down here,
the leap of faith from a doomed attempt at flight.
What happened to the old heart is the scary part:
thrown into the trash, and never seen again,
but it persists. Now it's like a ghost,
with its bloated purple face,
moving through a world of ghosts
that's all of us –
dreaming we're alive, that we're in love forever.
*
Coming and Going
My marriage ended in an airport parking lot – so long ago.
I was not wise enough to cry while looking for my car,
walking through the underground garage;
jets were roaring overhead, and if I had been wise
I would have looked up at those heavy-bellied cylinders,
and seen the wheelchairs and the frightened dogs inside,
the kidneys bedded in dry ice and Styrofoam containers.
I would have known that in synagogues and churches all over town
couples were gathering like flocks of geese
getting ready to take off, while here the jets were putting down
their gear, getting ready for the jolt, the giant tires
shrieking and scraping off two
long streaks of rubber molecules –
that might have been my wife and I, screaming in our fear.
It is a matter of amusement to me now,
me staggering around that underground garage,
trying to remember the color of my vehicle,
unable to recall that I had come by cab –
eventually gathering myself and going back inside,
quite matter-of-fact,
to collect the luggage
I would be carrying for the rest of my life.
Contents List
A LITTLE CONSIDERATION
The Edge of the Frame 5
Summer 6
Ode to the Republic 8
Proportion 10
Application for Release from the Dream 11
Wine Dark Sea 12
The Hero's Journey 13
Special Problems in Vocabulary 15
Eventually the Topic 17
Little Champion 18
DREAMHEART
Crazy Motherfucker Weather 21
Dreamheart 23
The Roman Empire 24
But the Men 25 Don't Tell Anyone 27
Bible Study 29
Misunderstandings 30
Introduction to Matter 31
The Social Life of Water 32
The Wetness 33
Romans 35
MISUNDERSTANDINGS
The Neglected Art of Description 39
Airport 41
A History of High Heels 42
A Little Consideration 43
Please Don't 44
Faulkner 46
Wasp 48
The Complex Sentence 49
Controlled Substances 50
White Writer 52
Ship 53
Because It Is Houston, 54
CrossingWater 56
Update 58
THE EDGE OF THE FRAME
Reasons to Be Happy 61
December, with Antlers 62
His Majesty 63
Western 65
Song for Picking Up 67
The Story ofthe Mexican Housekeeper 68
Coming and Going 71
Real Estate 72
Fetch 74
Summer Dusk 76
There Is No Word 77
Aubade 79
Note to Reality 80
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