This house was bought with the help of The Bell Jar,
My brother’s bump just a lump on my mother
And my father bringing kittens.
Devon was going to bury us
Behind its fifteen-foot hedges;
If we were lucky
Here we would flower:
Either that, or our roots
Would rot and tangle in the silence
Becoming mulch for cherry trees and brambles,
And the nettles that towered
A foot above my head,
Their stingers disguised as down –
And not enough dock leaves
To rub away the burning sores,
But better than poison ivy
My mother said.
I have a photograph:
My mother is laughing,
Holding me against the bulge
Of my unborn brother, kitten strangling
In my eager palms,
My father photographing us
Bundled in my mother’s arms,
All his eggs in one basket.
MEMORY LOSS 4: Nesting
If no one breathed
To knock over the house of cards
Of my borrowed home, I could almost believe
Those aunts and uncles were as much mine
As the boy who was meant to be my brother.
I envied his certainty; he was planted
Beneath the bird-infested thatch with his roots
Between the cobblestones of his birthplace,
While I floundered in questions.
My father, surrogate or not, explained
The speed of light, how to tie my shoelaces,
And the numbers on a clock.
Our mother died, he said, of pneumonia.
But was I hers, or brought in as an afterthought?
I never asked; borrowed children
Should not question providence. Meanwhile,
The boy-child was adored, and it was all too obvious
From the conduct of my father’s women
That I was different,
And so must have been adopted.
I built myself houses
With books on end across the floor
As walls for rooms
With halls, and gaps for doors,
Or with sheets from chair to table,
While my brother puzzled at my need
To make a place my own,
A house inside the building
He called home.
The above two poems appear opposite their paintings in Alternative Values. Others are part of the paintings. This picture shows the variety of poem and painting treatments in the book.
Contents List
9 LOVE
10|11 Wedding Poem for You
12|13 One Last Kiss
14|15 Love Poem for a Motorbike
16|17 Simple Arithmetic
18|19 Another Wedding Poem for You
20 Disciple
21 LIFE
22|23 The Rolling Car
24|25 Catch Me If You Can
26 Alternative Values
27 Embryo
28|29 For Evadne
30|31 After Cheltenham Festival
32 The Last Supper
33 DEATH
34|35 For the Living Left Behind
36|37 New Language
38|39 Transition
40|41 Widow
42|43 Ashes
44|45 About Loss
46 After the Funeral
47 PLANNING AHEAD
48|49 Wolf
50|51 Man in a Care Home Bed
52|53 Eggs
54|55 Shed Vision
56|57 Selfie
58 Commitment
59 FACTS
60|61 The Idea of Pennies
62|63 Winning Poem
64 The Gift
65 Recipe for Exploding Cat
66|67 Playing Gods
68|69 My Father’s Stone
70 Barefoot
71 FREE SPEECH
72|73 Thersites as a Lodger
74|75 Denial of a Lie
76|77 Dissection
78|79 The Number
80|81 Brother’s Birth
82 Hands
83 POTENTIAL
84|85 Poet as Teenager
86|87 The Poet Begins
88|89 The Politician Ends
90|91 Woman as Window
92|93 Thought
94|95 Purple Triangles
96 The Idea
97 RELATIVE VALUES
98|99 Memory Loss 1
100|101 Memory Loss 2
102|103 Memory Loss 3
104|105 Memory Loss 4
106|107 Mothers
108|109 For Shura
Related Reviews
‘An accomplished painter, she brings to her poetry the same landscape of contrasts, in her vivid descriptions of light and dark, struggle and release, the cleansing properties of fire. She is a courageous poet with a rich palette.' – Maura Dooley & Jamie McKendrick, PBS Bulletin [on Wooroloo]